This Just In - the Mommy Wars Have Ended.

August 23, 2006 – 2:27 pm |

If you believe all the hype, at least as it used to be, there were two sets of mothers, and they were at war…

In Corner 1 STAY AT HOME MOM. She eschews a fabulous career to do the unsung work of the home, sacrificing herself at the altar of child-rearing, possibly raising the perfect child, but sending a terrible message about gender roles in the home. Generally it is the Camp 1 mom who is blamed for using her minivan as a death vehicle. She runs motorcycle guys off the road as she races to soccer practice with perfectly coiffed hair and a basket of muffins. The carpets might be clean over in Corner 1; and they might have a healthy dinner on the table, but at what cost to feminism? After all, the Corner 1 mom is selfishly catapulting gender equality back by fifty years. She should be ashamed of her choice for the message it sends not only to her children, but to children across the globe. Why did she bother getting an education if she was just going to quit and stay home?

And in this corner - WORKING MOM. Working mom decided to keep her spectacular job, the selfish bitch. She hired someone else to watch her children so that she could follow her own dreams and goals. She may as well have sold her children on the black market because she obviously works for the dual purpose of feeding her own ego and her desire for material possessions. She may be a fantastic role model for women’s rights, but her own children will be destined to crime and therapy because of her utter lack of attention to their needs. Why did Corner 2 mom even have children if she didn’t want to raise them?

I’ve always been sidelined in the Mommy Wars, or so I thought. I’ve tried it all. I’ve worked full-time; I’ve worked part-time; I’ve telecommuted, contracted and freelanced. At every corner I’ve tried to minimize childcare without completely surrendering my contribution to income or my own desire to use my brain. And, go me, right?

WRONG! I read in Parenting Magazine that there is actually a third corner. Apparently the warring mommies got tired of taking all the flack. In Corner 3 - work at home mommy - the mother who thought she could avoid the war by being all things to all people. By trying to work and parent at the same time she gives the kids a fair quantity of her time, without giving them any quality time. She might turn on the TV while she teaches an online course or tries her hand at writing an article. She might yell “just one more minute” while she sends a resume to that great contract position. While she is working, her kids are fending for themselves. Turns out, say the so-called experts, by trying to be the best mom - Corner 3 lost the battle and the war, and actually became the worst.

Fine. I lost. I’ll take it if it means we can finally stop having this discussion.