Parenting 101: The Art of Annoyance

October 2, 2007 – 1:39 pm |

When I reflect on the things I learned from my mother, I find it’s the little things - the things that annoyed me at the time - that stuck with me the most.  For example, my mom was convinced that a person could go nowhere in life with chipped fingernail polish.  “Take that awful nail polish off before you leave,” she would say, ”your hands are the first thing people will notice. You can’t go around with chipped nails.”  

I would groan, and sigh, and roll my eyes.  But, to this day, I don’t leave the house with chipped nail polish (or, I do, but I feel completely self-conscious and apologize about it to everyone I see.)

So, now that Kindergarten has started, I have been developing ways to bug the crap out of my six-year-old in order to be sure I teach him important life lessons. I have to admit, this is a mothering skill (perhaps the first) the mastery of which has come really easily for me.  I just might have been born for the role of annoying mom.

For one, I’ve developed a great Kindergarten drop off ritual.  I pull up to the curb, and I say  “I love you, bud.  Have a great day.”  He responds “Love you, too, mom,” and gives me a hug. 

Then, just as he’s hopping out of the van, I command in the most sing-songy voice I can muster, “don’t forget to smile today.”  For about a week, he smiled and waved as he walked into school.  Now, though, he starts preparing me as soon as we enter the parking lot. “DO NOT tell me to smile.”  As we pull up to the curb, he looks at me with eyebrows lowered. “Mooom, do NOT say it.”  We go through the rest of the routine, with him imploring me, begging me aloud and with his silent body language, not to tell him to smile. And I don’t.  Until right before the van door clicks shut. 

“You know you’ll do it, though!” I yell when it’s too late for him to respond.  Then he turns and walks away, and I can see him fight with the corners of his mouth demanding them to stay serious, but losing just a little. 

And then I smile, too, because I think, out of all the lessons we try to teach our children in a day, it would be a pity if they didn’t learn that one.  Indeed, even I need a refresher course from time to time.  Like my mom always said, “your outfit would look fine if you’d stop scowling in the mirror.”  I always hated that.