July 14th, 2009
I blame the morning and the winter weather. I had everyone loaded up in minivan rear in what felt like the middle of the night to drop their daddy off at work. It was cold. It was dark. It was early; and we were out of coffee. So on the way home, when my five-year-old daughter squeaked from the back, “Hey, mom,” and I replied “Yes?” expecting “Can we get donuts for breakfast,” I wasn’t really ready for the question.
“Since there’s no hole in your belly, how does the baby get out of there?”
In my coffee-less stupor I didn’t pause to consider. I just answered. “Most of the time,” I announced, “it comes out the vagina.”
As a deep, dark silence fell over the back of the van, I regretted my answer. Did I really just tell a 3, 5 and 7 year old that babies come out the vagina? Wow. We drove on.
Later that day, my daughter sidled up beside me, “Mommy,” she said “I don’t HAVE to get a baby in my tummy, right? I can CHOOOOSE whether I want one?” she asked, lingering on the word choose. That it’s not exactly that simple did occur to me, but this time I just went with “Yep, hon, you can choose,” as I waited for more questions. But more didn’t come. “Ok.” She hopped up and went back to playing.
So far, the main result of this discussion, of course, has been the education my children now provide to everyone who ever comes over and plays dolls. (”Oh, nooo, Sally, babies don’t come out of your belly,” they will correct as Sally pulls the doll from her shirt, “they come out your VA china,” and demonstrate by dropping the dolls between their legs.) I’ve been waiting, since that day, for the follow up question. It hasn’t come up yet, but I know it’s there – waiting for me.
I’ve been reflecting on this because I got a note from a friend in Facebook whose inquisitive 4 year-old daughter wants the answer and wants it now. (So far, said friend has been deflecting the question by providing surprise candy whenever it comes up: “Mom, how do babies get IN your belly? “ “Oh, look! I found a sucker in my purse!” She suspects the shelf life for this trickery may soon expire.)
As you know, I support -theoretically- age appropriate honesty. I believe that when kids are old enough to ask a question, they’re old enough to deserve a reasonable, honest answer. But what that answer looks like and whether I’ll have the willpower to deliver it … that part remains a little blurry to me despite the fact that it’s been on my mind for several years.
Help me readers, and help my friend … what is the “honest but age-appropriate answer”, in the new millenium, to a 4, 6 or 8 year-old who asks “How does the baby get IN the belly?”
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