Is it like this in Australia?

November 20, 2007 – 8:39 am |

In tribute (and with apologies), an attempt at parody of one of my favorite children’s books, then and still:

Leondra and the Overwhelming, Frustrating, No-Breaks, Very Mom Day

My husband hit the snooze button but forgot to turn his alarm off and I woke up to Firehouse singing Baby Don’t Treat Me Bad. Then 2 came in screaming and when I put him in front of the TV the cable was out and I couldn’t find his Bob the Builder DVD and his yelling woke up the dog who started yelping. I went to get a cup of coffee but the coffeepot had leaked all over the kitchen counter.

I knew it was going to be an overwhelming, frustrating, no-breaks, very mom day.

At breakfast 6 wanted frozen waffles, 4 wanted sweetened cereal and 2 wanted homemade pancakes. We were out of waffles and we were out of cereal so I made homemade pancakes. 6 pushed his plate away, 4 said I was mean and she didn’t like me and 2 pretended his pancake was a laser gun and pointed it at me while making shooting noises.

I can’t wait until they’re all grown up with kids of their own.

4 wouldn’t let me fix her hair and whined that she didn’t like her outfit and 2 waited until we got in the car to tell me he had to go potty. I took off his coat and mittens and shoes and pants and underwear. And then he peed on the bathroom floor. I cleaned up his pee and when I stood up I hit my head on the bathroom counter. It was an overwhelming, frustrating, no-breaks, very mom day.

When I was backing out of the garage 2 threw a truck at 6 and when I turned around to yell at him I smashed the mirror into the garage and it broke into tiny pieces. Then 6 was mad because he was still hungry, and 4 was still whining about her hair and 2 kept taking off his seat belt. I screamed at everyone that if they didn’t behave I was going to turn this car around but then 4 took away 2’s big gee tick (big green truck) and 2 bit her on the arm. I said mommy really was going to have a nervous breakdown, but nobody even noticed. It was a frustrating, overwhelming, no-breaks, very mom day.

There was road construction everywhere and I hate road construction. There were Christmas carols on the radio before Thanksgiving and I hate Christmas carols on the radio before Thanksgiving. There were telemarketers calling on the phone and I *hate* telemarketers.

After school we went to the shoe store for snowboots. 6 wanted crocs and 4 wanted suede cowgirl boots and while I was explaining about how we live in Minnesota 2 bolted out the front door to the parking lot and I grabbed him just before he got hit by a big green truck. I told them when they’re all grown up with kids of their own they can buy whatever shoes they want.

No one would pick up their toys and no one could agree on what book to read. When I put dinner on the table 6 said “ew” and 4 said “yuck” and 2 said “no”. 4 told me my breath smelled and 6 asked me why we always have to eat what you like to eat. I said when they grow up I hope they all have three picky eaters who won’t eat any food.

It started raining and I had to let the dog in and she got mud all over the clean carpets. But by the time I finished cleaning them it was bath time and 4 found a bug in the bathtub, 6 refused to clip his fingernails and 2 pointed the bathsoap at me like a laser and made shooting noises. It was a frustrating, overwhelming, no-breaks very mom day.

At bedtime 4 screamed “MMOOOOM I need water!” And 6 screamed “I can’t sleep!” And 2 just screamed. I wondered if I would get any sleep when they’re all grown up.

I called my mom and told her I had an overwhelming, frustrating, no-breaks, very mom day. She said some days are like that.

Even when they’re all grown up with kids of their own.