August 14, 2007 – 11:10 pm |
I’m sitting in my office staring across the desk at a portrait of Hal Higdon.
Because I’m dreaming, and because I don’t really know what Hal Higdon looks like, the person in the picture looks just like Dumbledore looked in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. But it’s not Dumbledore. It’s definitely Hal Higdon.
I’m quite angry with Hal. In fact, I’m shouting at the painting. “But I’ve been so good. I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. Why isn’t your stupid program working?”
Hal’s portrait remains calm. “What do you mean? It is working. Your fitness is improving.”
“It IS NOT working. I haven’t lost a SINGLE POUND!” I yell. “I’ve been spending all this time with Running, and I haven’t lost ONE SINGLE POUND!”
Suddenly Hal’s gone. The portrait has vanished. I look around. Apparently, either I’ve died and gone to hell or my dream has morphed and dragged me back to law school. My classmates stare at me. From behind the podium my Evidence professor, a man named Dripps, squints his evil eyes and fires up a Socratic jackhammer.
“Do you have an answer Ms. L?” Dripps is talking to me.
“Umm, What was the question?”
“Why do you think you aren’t losing any weight?” he repeats impatiently.
“I don’t know. I’ve been keeping up pretty well with the running.”
“Hmm. Ms. L’s been running. Is exercise the only thing you must do in order to lose weight? Or is there more? What else might one need to do to get healthy?”
I stare blankly and start sweating.
“Can anyone help Ms. L out?” Dripps surveys the classroom over his glasses. A skinny blonde thing shoots her hand up. “You really can’t maintain a healthy weight without changing your diet, too, in addition to exercise,” she offers.
“Ahh, Diet. Interesting. What do you think about that Ms. L? How’s your diet?”
I swallow hard and keep staring blankly.
“What did you have for breakfast yesterday, Ms. L?”
“A Krispy Kreme”
“And for dinner the day before that?”
“I missed dinner, so I just grabbed a Snickers bar out of the vending machine at work.” I admit. “But they’re packed with peanuts. They really satisfy.”
“Last weekend, though,” Dripps continues, “you must have eaten better last weekend, right?”
“Well, last weekend I was in Chicago. There’s this pizza place by my sister’s house called ‘Piece’. Plus, Chicago has the best breakfast food. I had these awesome banana pancakes at Feast. And, well, obviously we couldn’t walk right by Margie’s Candies without getting ice cream. I had my oldest son with me. He really wanted ice cream.”
Dripps opens his mouth to reply, but before he can say anything - it’s over. I’ve grabbed a life line and returned to my bed. I’m awake now. Awake and weighing in at my starting weight from six weeks ago.
No clue why.