How Sean Astin Ruined My Day.

August 2, 2006 – 2:25 pm |

I operate in the happy delusion that as my children age, parenting is going to get easier. After all, what could be more difficult than trying to navigate Target with an infant, a two year old in hysterics, and a potty training preschooler? This delusion propels me through those rough times when I’m just not sure I have the physical or mental capacity to change one more diaper. DEEP DOWN, I have probably always known that as my children age the challenges won’t disappear, they’ll just change. Surely I’ve heard that warning from friends slightly further down the road. But I like to put important realizations in the far back recesses of my consciousness where they can wait until I have the emotional ability to process them. Which was not today…

Which brings me to the story of how Rudy sent me into a panic. I was enjoying my morning coffee – before the three awoke – perusing the new Family Circle (no judgments people, I used to read Cosmo, but life changes; I haven’t always driven a minivan either). Mr. Astin gave an interview in this month’s FC about parenting his three lovely daughters (god bless him) ages 1, 4, and 9. One of the challenges he cites – answering tough questions.

Now let me pause here to say that I have noticed that the questioning phase begins around age 4. Lately I have been fielding some good ones about death, gender and religion. My favorite recent inquiry “If Jesus is a boy, why does he have all that long blonde hair?” And priding myself on the “honest-but age-appropriate” mantra I learned in all my reading, I have been secretly starting to plan how I will answer the baby-making questions when they start to come.

However I was not (and am not) prepared for the one Rudy threw out in his interview. (I would provide a link to it, but it’s not online. Check it out at the very back of this month’s FC.) Apparently one of his children (presumably the oldest) has actually posed the question: “What is an orgasm?” Let’s just let that sink in for a moment. Yep. Orgasm.

So let me get this straight… while I am blogging and blathering on about how to say the word “vagina” to my 3 year old; Samwise Gamgee is telling me that six years from now I am going to have to tell her about the Big O. How do you even answer that? “Well, sweetie, if you haven’t figured it out before you get married, we definitely need to talk??” And is the answer different for girls and boys? I can (sort of) envision fashioning a response for my daughter, but what if my sons ask? Am I even qualified to tell them? And is this really something I should teach them? All kidding aside, can’t they just learn about this stuff from their friends on the playground?

Those are just a few of the questions that were running through my head before 7 am. Thank you very much to Family Circle and Sean Astin for bringing this issue to the forefront of my mind at such an early hour. After the fleeting thoughts briefly took over my brain, I successfully pushed them back into those recesses. Maybe I can do this diaper thing for just a little while longer after all. Maybe there’s no rush for them to grow up too fast.

What questions are you/have you been most freaked out to answer?