Archive for the ‘Kid Speak’ Category
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
My son’s second grade class recently completed an assignment about their future goals and aspirations. “What are your Hopes and Dreams?” read the prompt. They drew pictures and wrote their “Hopes and Dreams” at the bottom. The teacher posted them outside the classroom. As I wandered by, they all made me smile, ranging from wishing to ride a bicycle with no training wheels to the more ambitious goal of ending war. I have to share my favorite, though, from a little girl who won me over by numbering hers:
1) to fly
2) to eat cake
3) and to get a job.
Really, what else is there?
Posted in Kid Speak | |
Monday, September 28th, 2009
A few years ago, I found that my legal education came in really handy for those times when I needed to cross-examine my whiny kids. Lately, I’ve discovered a new use: providing honest answers to all kinds of tough questions. Some examples:
***
KID: Mom, how come we talked about Jesus at pre-school, but we don’t talk about him at school?”
ME: Because of the Constitution.
***
KID: Why do I have to sit in a booster seat?
ME: Minn. Stat. Sect. 169.685, subd.5(a) (2009) - you have to sit in one until you’re 8 years old or 4′9″ tall.
KID: None of my friends sit in a booster seat.
ME: I have read the whole statute; it does not have a “but my friends aren’t doing it” defense.
***
KID: Can girls marry other girls, and boys marry other boys?
ME: In Iowa.
I’m still not sure if it justifies the six figure debt, but it is a nice perk. Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.
Posted in Kid Speak, Lawyer Life | |
Friday, June 5th, 2009
On this, our first day of official summer vacation, I bring you – Two random KidSpeaks and a pledge to blog my first summer as a card-carrying college Professor working from home with kids. If you’ve been wondering about content, thanks for caring. I’m giving it a go.
Tune in Monday for some exciting news and the most FABULOUS place on the internet you haven’t found yet. Really, you can hardly wait, right? (Reminds me of that joke Ellen makes about the news teasers, about halfway through this funny clip.)
Kidspeak 1
Me to Jon, Age 4, fka “Kong“: You sure are grouchy today. Why are you so grouchy?
Jon: I can’t help it. That’s just the way God made me.
Kidspeak 2
While checking out a wedding picture of me and Hubs, the same observant child noted that: “Daddy looks the same, but Mommy looks different.” I inquired, “how so?”
Apparently, in the photo “Mommy’s face is oval.” But now, “it’s more round shaped.” I’m so glad he’s learned his shapes so well.
Posted in Kid Speak | |
Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
… come the stark realities of feminism?
Yesterday, from minivan rear:
7 yob: Hey mom?
Me: Yeah bud?
7 yob: Do you think one of the reasons a woman has never been the president is because women are mommies, so they just don’t have enough time to be president?
Me: Well … I guess that’s part of the reason, but that’s changing. A lot of men, like dad, do a lot of the parenting, so women should have more time to run for president in the future.
7 yob: Yeah, but men can’t get pregnant.
I just let it drop there. I didn’t have time for this debate in the car while shuttling them home from school for a quick dinner before we rushed back out to gymnastics.
Posted in Kid Speak | |
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
6.9 whispering to 5: 5, you forgot to put the lid on the toothpaste. Mom will be mad.
5: Oh, 6.9, don’t worry. Mom’s harmless.
Yep, Mom’s harmless.
I am in way over my head here.
Posted in Kid Speak | |
Sunday, July 13th, 2008
“Jennifer WEE ner,” read six, hanging by his armpits on the side of the red cart, and peering down at my first item, a hardcover edition of Jennifer Weiner’s new novel, Certain Girls, on which the author’s name appears in large letters overshadowing the smaller title.
He snorted out a giggle. “Mom, who’s Jennifer WEEEEE ner? What’s that book about?”
On our big Fourth Weekend trip to Target last week, I decided to swing through and grab a book to read on vacation. Committed to checking out library books this summer, I had been patiently waiting in my library’s line for Weiner’s latest. But it is a vacation … I figured I could break my library rule for vacation. I tossed it in the cart.
“Actually,” I replied, “I have it on pretty good authority it’s pronounced Jennifer WY-ner.”
“It looks like Weeeener,” he said again, undaunted, and clearly amused.
“Jennifer Wee-ner,” said 5, mimicking her brother’s pronunciation and smiling up at me as she leaned back, precariously swinging off the end of the cart by one arm.
“Be careful!” I snapped sharply, “You’re going to fall off of there. And, enough. It’s WYner. Let’s go find the watermelon.”
“WEE-NER, WEE-NER WEE-NER” chanted Kong. I zoomed away from the books, toward the grocery aisles, trying to divert their attention without appearing to be trying to divert their attention.
“What should we get to eat at the cabin?” I asked.
“I know … how about Weee nerrrs?” 6 offered and laughed proudly at his own joke.
“Jennifer WEEE ners?” 5 added, conspiratorially.
“Guys,” I said, exasperated, “enough, it’s Wy-ner.” “Plus,” I tried reasoning with 6, “if it were wiener it would be spelled ie instead of ei. See. W-E-I — it’s WY ner.”
“Hey, mom” asked 5, still performing acrobatic feats on the end of the cart, “do you know what a wiener is?”
“A hot dog?” I said, hopefully, as I reached the bread aisle. Please let it be a hot dog I prayed silently.
“It’s another word for a Penis” she declared instructively.
“I have a Penis,” piped Kong, as a slender, gray-haired, grandmotherly woman squeaked out a suppressed laugh and pretended to concentrate on the fat-free mayonnaise, “But 5 has a PA-china.”
“Yep,” I nodded to Kong, “you’ve got it.” My face darkened to the same shade as the ketchup bottles on my left. “Who wants donuts??”
Nope, things haven’t gotten much easier in the last two years. But, at least it wasn’t this conversation … yet.
Posted in Kid Speak | |