On Becoming a “No” Man

In my work life I have always been easily describable as a “yes man.”  From what I have read in my glossy-covered magazines, women on the whole suffer in great number from this syndrome.  It seems we have a desire to answer all requests positively, to meet everyone’s demands, and to be all things to all people.  I suppose I’m no exception.

As a young associate I’d rarely turn down a request for my time or work.  Should a partner wander into my office, all matters were moved to the side, the legal pad was out, and I was tuned in.  It was a rare a request for immediate work or emergency assistance would be met with anything other than “Absolutely.  No Problem. I am happy to help.”  

It went without saying … Of course I can cancel all my personal plans - my plans to shop, date, bake, sleep, read, bathe and paint my toes.  Back then, usually flipping through those magazines, I would think I really need to learn to set boundaries.  I really need to learn to say “no.”    I just wasn’t sure how.

Turned out the answer was simple:  Have children.  

Fast forward three children later …and if I had a nickel for every “NO” or incarnation of “NO” I say during a day  … well needless to say I wouldn’t need to contemplate whether to stick some Google Advertising on this blog for extra cash.

“No you may not have [insert totally inappropriate sugar coated or filled item] before breakfast.”

“No, NO, NOO, [Kong], you may not [insert random, dangerous, life-threatening activity here].”

Of course, some “nos” are unavoidable and necessary in the job of protecting my children.  Certain requests (e.g. jawbreakers at 6 am or games that include sticking silverware in electrical outlets), simply cannot be accommodated.  But lately I’ve realized that my chorus of ‘nos’ seems to have grown to full harmonic proportions.  A woman who’s had past trouble drawing the line, I have now apparently grown more comfortable with setting the boundaries, and I wonder – at what cost?  

“Mom, can we get out the paint stuff?”
“Oooh, Maybe tomorrow… that’s so messy.”  

“Mom, You want to play Barbies?” 
“Sure, guys, but can you wait just ten minutes until I finish this [insert any task on the Google Lists.]

Or consider my reaction to my children entering the room while I’m chatting on an important personal call. Imagine if a partner had come into my office and I had said “Oh, Hold on one sec, sis,” and then moved the phone away while snapping something like … “You can see I am on the phone right now, what do you need?” 

There’s no doubt my obligations have grown and the time for myself for the shopping, dating, baking, sleeping, reading, bathing and painting my toes seems to continually shrink.  But, still, I can’t help but wonder why it’s sometimes much easier to draw the boundaries at home than at work.   I never would have guessed I’d someday aspire to be more of a “Yes Man.”

Posted in Mistakes in Motherhood |

M-I-L-F Don’t You Forget

Not only is the lusty month of May now half over with nary another mention from me, I’ve failed to put up a Mother’s Day post, despite my best intentions, and I am looking down the barrel of another week in which my infamous Google ’to-do’ list threatens to overtake the entire new Google home page. (Besides the usual work and home, it’s the last week of preschool before summer break, AND it’s a certain high maintenance three year old’s fourth birthday party week.) Since I hate it when quiet fills the bloggy spaces, let me fill some air with random ramblings on which your input is sought.

1)  I don’t know if anyone else here watches the Sopranos, but I’m itching to discuss.  In an effort to stay relevant - is it the Mom in me that desperately wants to believe AJ can emerge, perhaps not unscathed but at least as a tiny little piece of hope in a world gone mad?  I’m afraid the writers are just taunting me with that miniscule sliver of potential goodness and then they’re going to drop their metaphorical piano on my head.

2) The latest Tori Amos song…  I can only make out about half the lyrics, much less the point, (maybe I’ll google the lyrics later) but it’s so fun to listen to and reminds me how much I once loved her.  My jury’s still out on the rest of the album. (Credit due to tara on this one).

3) I have more, but the window has closed.  If you are one of the faithful few who checks back here often, thank you for your patience and don’t give up on me.

Posted in Mad about Music |

Tra La, It’s May!

May has arrived, and I had wonderful intentions of posting many fabulous ideas about how we (primarily) married with children mothers could throw our self-control away and celebrate this, the Lusty Month of May.   Perhaps, I thought, we could revisit our celebrity top five lists (Mine, if you’re curious, at the moment — Wentworth Miller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gary Allan, Shemar Moore, and a fifth spot still open for suggestions.)  But, alas, my many tracks have distracted me from the celebrations of the month that is, as Guenevere so aptly puts it:

The time for every frivolous whim, proper or im-
It’s wild, it’s gay, a blot in every way,
The birds and bees with all of their vast amorous past,
gaze at the human race aghast
The Lusty Month of May.

So I am leaving it up to you -an open thread to go blissfully astray in May. 

Posted in Everything Else |