Days of Thunder

For all my constant consideration of gender roles and stereotypes, I do actually believe there are inherent differences between the sexes. Men and women differ in our manner and approach to things. We view the world differently. We accomplish tasks differently. Take the job of maneuvering a grocery cart, for example.

Yesterday, we made a family trip to our local SuperTarget. We needed groceries, underwear, the latest Jennifer Weiner and Vince Flynn novels, a Gameboy DS, an electric guitar, a new men’s suit and 10W-40 motor oil. (Actually we only needed Halloween candy and milk, but had we left with all of those other things and more, I wouldn’t have been at all surprised. That’s the beautiful genius of Target.)

I choose SuperTarget over the competition for a variety of reasons. But, unsurprisingly, I am primarily motivated by the carts – fabulous new carts with ample seating for three small children.Of course, maneuvering a cart large enough to seat a family of five and accommodate groceries, takes an approach.

My approach is to push the cart gently through the aisles, staying on the right side, reminding the children to keep their arms and bodies in the vehicle, yielding to little old ladies on their larks. I approach the task slowly, methodically, conscientiously.

My husband’s approach differs. When we arrived at Target, we grabbed the first big cart we came across in the parking lot. I loaded the kids, and he assumed the cart-pushing position.
“Do you want me to push?” I inquired hopefully.
“No, I’ve got it.”
We loaded up the children, and he was off at a run through the parking lot.
“Wee!!” The kids shrieked with glee.

Dad’s approach is way more fun.

It was Saturday. So it was busy. When we got inside he started delegating: “You get the milk. I’ll get the Halloween candy.” He took a sharp left to the candy, slightly misjudging the length of the cart, narrowly missed an elderly gentleman with a bag of wheat bread, and sent one child swaying to the right and almost sliding into the bags of orange M&Ms.

Dad’s approach is about speed.

When I returned with my gallon of 1 percent (and the diapers, razors, and paper towels I realized I needed en route) they were driving in circles around the candy, waiting for me. “Some people are terrible about navigating in here,” my husband observed.
“Yes, these people are called dads, and they are only at the store on Saturdays,” I muttered under my breath.

We took a right turn down the main aisle toward the checkout lanes and found ourselves slightly behind another dad with a big cart full of kids. Both dads, with heads down and ballcaps pulled over their eyes, were aiming toward the one remaining open lane. The race was on.

My husband took the outside, sped up and passed the other dad, narrowly beating him to lane 12. As they squeezed past, my son’s elbow brushed the other cart.

“Ow, dad!” my son exclaimed. “Be careful. You bumped them.”

“I did not bump them,” my husband replied. “I rubbed them. And Rubbin’, son, is racin’. Rubbin’s racin’.”

Like I said - Men and women. Not the same.

Posted in Everything Else |

It’s a man’s world… unless it’s a woman’s world.

I remember my first deposition like it was yesterday. Commissioned by his insurance company, my law firm represented the defendant, a landlord, in a ‘slip and fall’ case. The Plaintiff, Mary, had fallen on the slippery, ice-covered front steps at her friend’s apartment building. She was suing my client because she had some ‘soft tissue’ injuries (translation – she had difficult-to-pinpoint back pain) and insisted that my client could have done a better job clearing the ice from the step.The deposition would be at Mary’s lawyer’s office: a small, tattered, yellow-brick building in the parking lot of one of the local supermarkets. I would ask Mary all kinds of questions about every time she’d ever fallen down. And I was positively giddy to inquire of Mary whether she knew that she lived in Minnesota – a place where from October to May it’s a safe bet that everywhere you walk is covered with a sheet of glare ice. I was ready. I had reviewed all the records, donned my most grown-up suit, and I couldn’t wait to take a stab at Mary.

I arrived at the “office in the parking lot” ready for blood. I checked in with the receptionist. She was a woman of about 40 with darkly died brown hair, bright red lipstick, matching fiery fingernails and a raspy voice indicating she might actually just be on break from her real job – chain smoking in the parking lot.

“Can I Help You,” Smoky barked with little interest. She’d fixed one eyeball on computer solitaire and glanced up at me with the other.
“I’m here for the Johnson deposition,” I proudly declared.
She looked up, grinned a yellow smile of fake pleasantry, picked up the phone, and punched in an extension.
“Hi Bob,” she announced. “Yeah, I just wanted to let you know the court reporter is here for the Johnson deposition – do you want me to send her in to the conference room to set up?”I wish I could report that more than seven years later, in a world where ½ of law students are women, the receptionists of the world started anticipating the possibility that a young woman might be a lawyer, but it hasn’t happened. My women lawyer friends and I have been known to gripe at great length, constantly analyzing the collective expectations founded on a basic assumption that our work is man’s work, and the work of the court reporter is a woman’s work.

It turns out that jumping tracks didn’t save me from this issue. I was reminded of those days and conversations when I dropped my son off at preschool this morning. I saw a sort of lost looking manI hadn’t seen before wandering the hall with a little girl from my son’s class.
“Is this the Pre-K room?” the young man inquired of the teacher.
“Yes, this is the pre-k room,” she replied, “ you must be Ellie’s dad - -“
“Actually, no” he interrupted, as we all started blankly at him. “I’m her new nanny.”

Posted in Lawyer Life |

5 Minutes For Mom

Guess What! Mommy Tracks is the first listing in the new “Group Blogs” category in the rapidly expanding blog directory at “5 Minutes for Mom”.

As you can see from our unusually quiet blog, we can’t seem to get 5 minutes these days! But when we do, the uber moms at 5 minutes for mom have the goods on all the best stuff. Their site is all about helping promote women’s websites — blogs, online stores, you name it!

The site owners, Susan and Janice, are those notorious 3rd corner work-at-home-mommies and figured they’d help out other moms who got themselves stuck in this crazy work-at-home world. So they let women list their stores (pedal car stores to rocking horse stores, and everything else) for free in their extensive full page description directories. It rocks. We’re psyched to be a part of it.

Stay tuned as we are certain to have more of those moments where creativity and calm collide to allow for important, inspired blogging in the near future. (At least, I hope so.)

Posted in Biography of a Blog |

Query: Blogging and Confidentiality

Reading this post of one of my favorite blogs has left me wondering. Those of us who read blogs read a variety of blogs for a variety of reasons, but if we’re being honest there is some amount of voyeurism in it - who doesn’t want the chance to look into someone else’s life and maybe make a connection. But how much privacy can we count on?

It seems many bloggers protect their anonymity in favor of greater honesty in personal, journal style posts. In fact, according to this study the vast, vast majority of bloggers write personal journal style blogs about their experiences and life. The Internet makes us feel falsely secure about our privacy, even though we’ve had repeated reasons (like this for example) to be reminded that there’s no real privacy. Software companies are increasingly producing items in an effort to give us an even greater sense of freedom. In blogging life and family, there’s a choice - a balance of protecting anonymity in order to be more honest, and yet the greater the honesty the greater the risk of being identified. How is everyone finding their own personal balance? What are people’s fears?

I have been truly amazed by the whole idea (and yes I know I am a few years behind). So I’m just throwing this out there to see if I can get others’ thoughts.

Posted in Notes on News |